“Is this what you really want to do?”


I’m not gonna post about poem this time around. I want to post about some updates of my life. Well, that is why this is Write, Ally! Write!

I spent my weekend on a business seminar. Straight for three days. Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It was tiring and mind blowing as well. It totally draining my mind and soul but overall its worth it. I learned many things. Why business seminar though?

To be honest I’m planning to quit my job. Not because I want to be a full time author. No, I want to quit because I want time for myself. I can’t focus on my current job. I can have emotional swing easily. I’m not even trying to be productive at all.

So my option was to try doing business. There are around 24 of us in it. I can say 90% of them had plans of what they want to do next. Amazing and young ideas. Some of them are expanding their business. Me? I don’t even know what I want to do.

What really hit me was on the final day. We had to prepare some financial projection for the mock business. I did mine fantasizing of selling books as an agent. I’m trying to be realistic as possible but the instructor advised me that  by my current calculation. I can’t even survive my first month. I changed a bit then it somehow does not  generating acceptable income as the seminar required.

Then she said, “If you aim something like this. Might as well you just join and do the smaller business that doesn’t really need big loans.”

It stuck in my mind. Especially when she said, “Is this what you really wanted to do?”

Honestly I was lost that time. I managed to complete my financial projection by giving some non logical figure of amount. Then, I submitted it. I know she’ll be thinking that I’m just playing around by coming to the seminar with this kind of financial projection.

To be honest. I can’t stop thinking about it day and night. What I really wanted to do? If I have the ability I would opt for a full time author but reality wise.. I can’t do it. Not now. I need to have some backup plan. I’m stuck. Sadly.

I am writing something right now. I’m planning to complete it. I don’t want to think what I want to do next. I just want to complete my writing and then I’m going to think about it. I’m lost on the business part but I’m so focused and determined on writing my book. Is this the answer for the question given to me? I don’t even know myself.


4 thoughts on ““Is this what you really want to do?”

  1. I’m leaving my job this year and I feel like I have NO idea what to do because I don’t want to do the same thing, but that’s what my degree is for… so basically I’m asking myself the same questions!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Its hard indeed. It is a decision with no correct or wrong but its a decision that will affect us.. Will we be doing the same thing or will we so something that we can feel satisfied with later on.. Tough life phase..

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This resonates so much. There’s that old saying, “keep doing what you are doing until you can do what you love”. F**k that, keep working on your love until it turns into your life. Be the kick-ass writer that you know you are inside.

    I’ve only been writing for the past few months and when I pulled out and read some of my old writing from when I was at school years ago, I realised that I had completely turned an eye to something that I enjoyed so much. I got into IT for money, I’m getting back into writing for love and to rediscover myself. Believe in your abilities Ally, your words are from the heart.

    Go kick some literary ass. 🌞❤

    Liked by 1 person

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