A blog is like a book that you keep on writing in your life. What happened when you suddenly decide to stop updating your blog? You left the blog lying around for few years because you have countless of reason to stop blogging. Common reasons are the busy life, no longer interested, lost credential, and leaving your old life behind. After few years, you suddenly remembered that you had a blog and you dig it up again. Then you found your countless number of posts that you wrote. The posts are mostly about your personal life during your active years of blogging. You can’t help yourself to read your post again, one by one and had mixed feeling about it.
Some of the posts made you realized how stupid you are a few years ago. Some made you feel proud on the achievements you had. Some made you smile and showed how happy you were. Some made you cry because things have changed over the years and it no longer feels the same. Not only that, you have lost a lot of things that you can never recover again. So much has happened that you wish someone would come to you and offer you a chance to make everything right again. Though you know it well that it will never happen.
As I mentioned few times before, I found my old blog and I’m reminiscing my past. The blog was created in 2009 and my last post was in November 2012. The best thing for me is to delete the blog or at least to wipe out the posts in there. There are a lot of personal posts and also some of my poems. If you realized that most of my current poems are mostly unrequited love and such hopelessness. I can guarantee you that my previous poems were pure love. A little heartbreak but that is how relationship work, right?
Another reason why I should delete it is that things are different now. I am no longer in that relationship and I knew that my ex is getting married. There are some words in the blog that make me look stupid such as ‘my future wife’. Silly, isn’t it? No matter how much memories it holds, I am living in the present now. I already moved on with my love. However, as a sensitive type of person, I feel sad to let it go. To tell you the truth, I feel a lot more alive back then, than I am now. Also, I feel a lot more expressive back then, than I am now. I can’t help myself to feel the stiffness in my words. I was in denial until recently, my editor pointed it out.
I am no longer the same person. I was young and perhaps, too impulsive and stupid. I would rant and comment in various issue whenever I feel like it. Unfortunately now, I prefer to stay out from expressing my opinion. There are times I would just channel it through my poems but right now, rarely occurs. Currently, my senses are dull and weird that I mostly see things in black and white instead of the fun and colorful senses I once had. I believe I still have it but it is just a dull sword that can’t cut through anything.
While I was writing the previous paragraphs, I found an idea. I will delete the content in the blog and left it empty. I want it to stay but let it stay like a ghost. However, I will extract the proses and poems and publish it as my fourth book! Means, I will no longer have to be worried about the blog and I can enjoy the things I wrote! I can enjoy it with you guys as well! This may take some time to complete but I don’t want to erase my past completely. I want it to stay as a proof that I have loved someone so dearly and hopefully, it will give me the strength to love someone more in the future!
If you are curious how ‘lovely’ were my poems back then, I actually have published one here!
Click on the link above and it will take you to my 20th Love Letter! Stay patience for the rest of the poems because I will take you to the most sweetest Ally Mare writings you ever read!
ps: Lets get the Nine Nine fans heated up for the upcoming new season!