For the past three days, I was away to support a program for my company. It’s a self-actualization program for our new comers. I was in charged on the photography and my boss told me to absorb and process everything on the program. So, I did.
To summarized the first day with one word, it would be, emotional. The trainer and his facilitators are good in engaging the participants. From what I observed, they distracted them with some activities and made some diversion from their true intention… that they kept until the last program. The session sounded cruel but it was necessary.
The first day, it is all about realizing your self value. Throughout the first day, I was taking pictures and sat at the back. While listening to the trainer in front, I have the feeling of reading my own blog. The motivational speeches and the things he mentioned basically something that I would usually say in my blog. It’s about realizing that you are something!
I’ve been through a lot and I believe that the participants were too. Perhaps, they have been through a lot more than me. I faced family problems, personality problems, self inflict problems, suicidal thoughts, relationship problems and much more. To stand up after each events were not easy, it was never easy. It requires a lot of energy, time and motivation. What’s worst is, I did it all alone. Just because I couldn’t count and trust others at that time. Then, I realized that slowly, I need to open up. I did learned how to open up, I tried to heal myself slowly through the times. I had my biggest turning point in my life, I did mentioned it in this post.
My first step was volunteering myself. I volunteered for an anime event, Animangaki. The event taught me how important to be motivated, work with others, enjoy your present life and do something that you like. After that, I feel refreshed and happy. I feel like I can do something, I am capable of doing something. I am not worthless! Then, they did an exercise called ‘Feedback’ on how your friends think about you. This session reminded me of my interview in Garena. I had to fill up a paper and one of the question was, What do you think your friend think of you? My first reaction about it was… clueless. I was really clueless! In my thought, how the hell am I supposed to know on how others think about me. Why? Because they never told me anything and… I never asked.
Something that I understand later in life. I rarely exposed to something such as friend to friend talks. Whenever me and friends talk to each other, we mostly talk about the things we did, what we want to do and talk about silly things. We rarely talk about something that touches each other feeling. The feeling of respect, admiration, the pleasant, and the unpleasant stuff between each other. We are friends but we only scratches the surface of each other. Now it got me thinking, are we real friends? Or we are just that kind of friends? I don’t know.
To open up was never an easy decision, there a lot of things that I don’t want to say especially regarding my past. I always labelled my past as dark because it is something that I want to forget. However, things can never really forgotten unless we embrace it and accept it. We can never move on unless we accept it. We can’t be in denial forever. That is what I learnt.
On the second day, the program emphasized on good values in ourselves. There are three that were pointed out, spontaneous, trust, and courage. The programs filled with various activities in hope to plant the values deep in their heart. What about me? How can I relate to these values?
Spontaneous – From what I understand in being spontaneous, whenever I made a choice in life, it doesn’t mean everything will go as planned. One or two things will eventually stirred away and we have to improvise. There are times that I have to take spontaneous actions in order to move on or proceed on the things that I want to do. Sometimes, it totally worth it. If it’s not, I’ll just have to swallow it and keep on looking ahead.
Trust – I am quite trusting myself. I never really consider myself as someone who have trust issue. The only real result would be from someone who have betrayed my trust and it will be hard for them to earn them back. My principle when it comes to trust, it comes with respect. Same like respect, you are not entitle to them but you have to earn them. That is what I believe in.
Courage – As an introvert, I have my time of doubts. However, if I have to step out of my safe-zone, I am not afraid as long as I am prepared. I prefer to be prepared first before I do something. Somehow, that made me realized that I am not that courageous.
The last day was pretty tiring for me. Last night they (the new hired) were planning for a movie night but due to some technical difficulties, we were unable to do it. We improvised in playing Heads up and Mafia. They really enjoyed playing Mafia. Like really enjoyed it. We ended up sleeping so late. In the morning they had some outdoor activities. On the afternoon, the topic is vision. The trainer wanted us to do a vision map, it’s a collage on how do you see yourself in 10 years later. I somehow managed to do one thanks to my encouraging boss.
Somehow, I’m pretty sure what I wanted for the next 10 years of my life! By the year 2027, in my romantic relationship, I pretty much married with children. I will no longer have career crisis (even though I still have it now, I need to be sure what should I do on the next 10 years), I will be able to travel more, and I will be on track in my investment so I could retire by the age of 40. Yes, I want to retire by the age of 40 if everything went on smoothly. I have less than 20 years but… I’ll try my best!
In conclusion for the three days program, I must say that I know who I am, what I want to do, what I want to achieve, how to do it, how worthy I am and I know my strength and weakness. I actually knew all these before I help to support the program. However, I take the program as a refresher and reminder on the things that I have forgotten.
Just to mention that this program was on the 19th to the 21st October, this post was on draft for almost a week now. I had to support another program two days ago means, I am quite busy with works lately.
Before I end the post, I want to ask you a question. How would you describe me? I would like to hear your answer. Thank you.