I recently re-watched the movie Her (2013). I did wrote about it in 2017. You can read it here: Ally’s Thoughts: Her (2013).
While watching it, I can’t help to think about myself. Three years ago, it feels different. I was much more optimistic and ‘energetic’. However, it hits differently now.
To have hope and passion can really drive someone forward. They move on to create something for themselves even if it is to the unknown.
Yet, it feels different now. The void that I thought I moved on from has returned. I know it will never disappeared but at least the void in me should be filled even a little.
Somehow, it is not. The void is like a wound starts to bleed again. It hurts but empty at the same time. It feels impossible to mend it or heal it.
I keep asking myself. What went wrong?
This is so ridiculous. Is it because how 2020 has been treating people? How it has been affecting me?
Is it because I lie to myself too much? Is it regret? Is it disappointment? I can’t tell. I am more confused now more than ever. It has been years. Why it still hurts so much?
The depth of this void me is endless. I don’t think it can be filled at all. This is honestly, too much.