The pandemic has affected us in many ways. For myself, it has been exhausting and dreadful to handle because of the long lockdowns. Even so, I still have some source of income and a place to stay under. Others are not so fortunate. Some lost their source of income. Some lost their homes. Some lost both, and some lost their loved ones.
I would love to share about a project by a fellow writer, including her message.
My name is June Hew also known as Britt. I’m a 40 years old Chinese diaspora living in Malaysia. I’ve been suffering from mental health problem for many year s and things spiralled out of control 4 year s ago. I started seeking medical help then because I couldn’t conceal my condition anymore. The same time I lose my livelihood, losing my job and being without support.
I’ve started a website recently to slowly get back to writing. I was very active before everything went out of my control. Started selling printed t-shirt hoping to help with my daily expenses.
I hope my friends and readers are doing well and staying safe.
I haven’t been writing much on my thoughts, I don’t even know why. It’s not that I don’t have any opinions or thoughts on anything. It’s just that in some days, some thoughts are better left unsaid. That was for the best.
However, today on the 21st February 2021, a supposed special day with a unique date. I really want to express this gratitude of mine towards the creative community. Yes, you are one of them!
Recently, I can’t help to look back where I am now compared to where I was years ago. Before I had my WordPress site, during my build up phase, and the present. I realized how big the creative community impacted myself in motivation and building myself.
You are my main inspiration, each and everyone of you. Your words, writings, thoughts, ideas, arts, and the endless creativity inspires me to find myself. You are talented, supportive, helpful, and kind too. I saw some of you struggled but keep on fighting. I realized some of you went missing but came back. I am honestly excited and happy when you published your books, completed your artwork, being sponsored, and achieve your goals.
No matter what, there will always someone read my posts. Yes, you did. Sometimes, you left me some comments. Thank you! You keep on supporting my site by reading, liking, and leaving a comment. You have been here since day one too! I do remember that you nominated me with countless of awards earlier, that really helps me here. You connected me with other wonderful and lovely souls in the community.
It is impossible for me to be here without you. I quit jobs, getting jobs, getting depressed, fighting through it, and finding myself in the weirdest place. I whine here, I ranted here, I expressed here, and all my pasts are here. I will find myself to be here, even in the future. No matter how tossed I was, how wrecked I would be, or how beautiful my life could be. To be here with the community is a place that I could never found if I didn’t take the first step. I am not leaving, will always be here together with you.
The one that left
Last year, a dear friend left us. A young talented writer passed away. While her social media was handled and managed by her friends, her WordPress still exists. I think her friends couldn’t retrieve her credentials on that matter. May her soul find peace and blessing.
It made me realized if some other writers in the same situation. They didn’t come back because they are no longer here. The thought creeps on me and made me sad. I don’t know how many of you left, without even saying goodbye to us. I can only pray and hope that all is well. Even if it’s true, I can pray you will be in peace.
I believe in you!
If you feel lost and unmotivated, I won’t tell you to stop. Take a break and get some rest. Do it again when you are ready. If other people doesn’t tell you, let me tell this… I BELIEVE IN YOU! I believe in your words, your arts, your passion, your creativity, and the strength in you.
Keep on writing, creating, and don’t forget to give back to the community. There will always be someone new that starts their journey.
And please, do reach me on other social media platform.
We are here, in December and leaving 2019. The truth is, it was a really rough year for me. Too rough and I still try to stabilize the aftermath.
I want to share it here because I know that there are more out there having bad times, worst than mine.
After working for almost 2 years in a good place, I started to feel depressed. Early 2019, I got myself diagnosed and referred to a psychiatric clinic. Now, I’m under medication and having a new job.
For those who are struggling with mental illness, I hope you found the courage to break out from the void and get some help. Then, the real battle starts there because wanting to feel good and ‘normal’ is ridiculously hard.
It is hard to find someone you can trust, to share the things you are experiencing right now. Find the right channel and you are not alone.
Now, I am into 10 months under medication and I am still far away being healthy. However, slowly I feel my motivation is coming back. As I was going through all these, I realized so many things about my situation. It opened my eyes and I hope you will find it in your journey too.
Thank you very much for reading and visiting my site. I am sorry for neglecting my WordPress community with less posts and less visiting your sites. I am ashamed but I really feel good whenever I return here.
Wishing you all the best in the year 2020. May all of you receive great blessing and find success in the things you want to achieve. Happy New Year!
Note that this is a post that has been in my draft since January. I was in a struggle with no chance of winning, well I was wrong. I haven’t win the war yet but the victory in the countless battles strengthened me.
Therefore, I am sharing this as a reminder for myself and to share how dreadful the feeling was at that time.
I think, this will be my last post. I am retiring, not as a writer but as a living breathing thing.
I have been struggling too long, too long that I don’t know why I’m still here. Too long that I don’t have any more reasons to reason with my inner self, “Why am I still here?”. I am too tired to argue again about it.
Hell and eternal damnation? No.
It is too tough to keep going only to be hopeful and telling myself that everything going to be alright. Everything will eventually work out. No. It doesn’t work that way. The situation and surrounding is just too ridiculous. It is petty too.
My effort? I tried. Many times.
I learned to accept. Doesn’t work.
I learned to forgive. Doesn’t work.
I learned to love. Doesn’t work.
I learned to better person. Doesn’t work.
I learned to believe. Doesn’t work.
I learned to fear. Doesn’t work.
I learned to trust. Doesn’t work.
I learned to forget. Doesn’t work.
I learned too much that it drove me crazy.
Until the very end, my inner self still want to reason with me. I had enough. Too much conflict in my head and it is too tiring. Not to mention the conflicts outside my head.
I can’t function properly.
I can’t breath properly.
I can’t love properly.
I can’t live properly.
I can’t. I won’t.
I gave up. Too long… Too long…
For my last words, I am not apologizing. I want to say my gratitude for keeping me this long. I had wished for it since I was 10 and I never get it. I was not brave enough to take it myself. I envy the others who decide to do it. Thank you.
“I tried and I did not fail. I just stopped and took a long stop.”