Project Social Distancing by Britt

Photo by Puwadon Sang-ngern on Pexels.com

Dear friends and readers,

The pandemic has affected us in many ways. For myself, it has been exhausting and dreadful to handle because of the long lockdowns. Even so, I still have some source of income and a place to stay under. Others are not so fortunate. Some lost their source of income. Some lost their homes. Some lost both, and some lost their loved ones.

I would love to share about a project by a fellow writer, including her message.

My name is June Hew also known as Britt. I’m a 40 years old Chinese diaspora living in Malaysia. I’ve been suffering from mental health problem for many year s and things spiralled out of control 4 year s ago. I started seeking medical help then because I couldn’t conceal my condition anymore. The same time I lose my livelihood, losing my job and being without support.

I’ve started a website recently to slowly get back to writing. I was very active before everything went out of my control. Started selling printed t-shirt hoping to help with my daily expenses.

Britt

You can reach at;
https://rebelbritt.wordpress.com/
britt.curatedconsumption@gmail.com

Donation;
PayPal.Me@Britt365

Project Social Distancing;
https://www.bonfire.com/im-social-distancing-1/

I appreciate every help and assistance. Thank you!

Ally’s Thoughts: 210221

Photo by Marcus Wu00f6ckel on Pexels.com

I hope my friends and readers are doing well and staying safe.

I haven’t been writing much on my thoughts, I don’t even know why. It’s not that I don’t have any opinions or thoughts on anything. It’s just that in some days, some thoughts are better left unsaid. That was for the best.

However, today on the 21st February 2021, a supposed special day with a unique date. I really want to express this gratitude of mine towards the creative community. Yes, you are one of them!

Recently, I can’t help to look back where I am now compared to where I was years ago. Before I had my WordPress site, during my build up phase, and the present. I realized how big the creative community impacted myself in motivation and building myself.

The inspirations

You are my main inspiration, each and everyone of you. Your words, writings, thoughts, ideas, arts, and the endless creativity inspires me to find myself. You are talented, supportive, helpful, and kind too. I saw some of you struggled but keep on fighting. I realized some of you went missing but came back. I am honestly excited and happy when you published your books, completed your artwork, being sponsored, and achieve your goals.

The supports

No matter what, there will always someone read my posts. Yes, you did. Sometimes, you left me some comments. Thank you! You keep on supporting my site by reading, liking, and leaving a comment. You have been here since day one too! I do remember that you nominated me with countless of awards earlier, that really helps me here. You connected me with other wonderful and lovely souls in the community.

The future

It is impossible for me to be here without you. I quit jobs, getting jobs, getting depressed, fighting through it, and finding myself in the weirdest place. I whine here, I ranted here, I expressed here, and all my pasts are here. I will find myself to be here, even in the future. No matter how tossed I was, how wrecked I would be, or how beautiful my life could be. To be here with the community is a place that I could never found if I didn’t take the first step. I am not leaving, will always be here together with you.

The one that left

Last year, a dear friend left us. A young talented writer passed away. While her social media was handled and managed by her friends, her WordPress still exists. I think her friends couldn’t retrieve her credentials on that matter. May her soul find peace and blessing.

It made me realized if some other writers in the same situation. They didn’t come back because they are no longer here. The thought creeps on me and made me sad. I don’t know how many of you left, without even saying goodbye to us. I can only pray and hope that all is well. Even if it’s true, I can pray you will be in peace.

I believe in you!

If you feel lost and unmotivated, I won’t tell you to stop. Take a break and get some rest. Do it again when you are ready. If other people doesn’t tell you, let me tell this… I BELIEVE IN YOU! I believe in your words, your arts, your passion, your creativity, and the strength in you.

Keep on writing, creating, and don’t forget to give back to the community. There will always be someone new that starts their journey.

And please, do reach me on other social media platform.

Twitter
Instagram

It is a reality, never a dream.

aged alarm clock antique background
Photo by Krivec Ales on Pexels.com

NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo 2020

Day #1 Prompt

A daily life filled with white walls,
Without any spark of excitement,
Nor relaxation,
Or even a drop of inspiration,

A day I couldn’t ignore,
Brightening, brimming, blinding,
Numb and numbing,
Smirking snobby walls,

Such day like the drying stream,
As I closed and opened my eyes,
The white walls stands,
It is a reality, never a dream.

Ally’s Thoughts: Saying Goodbye to 2019

person holding a sparkler in macro photography
Photo by Kris Lucas on Pexels.com

Hi everyone,

We are here, in December and leaving 2019. The truth is, it was a really rough year for me. Too rough and I still try to stabilize the aftermath.

I want to share it here because I know that there are more out there having bad times, worst than mine.

After working for almost 2 years in a good place, I started to feel depressed. Early 2019, I got myself diagnosed and referred to a psychiatric clinic. Now, I’m under medication and having a new job.

For those who are struggling with mental illness, I hope you found the courage to break out from the void and get some help. Then, the real battle starts there because wanting to feel good and ‘normal’ is ridiculously hard.

It is hard to find someone you can trust, to share the things you are experiencing right now. Find the right channel and you are not alone.

Now, I am into 10 months under medication and I am still far away being healthy. However, slowly I feel my motivation is coming back. As I was going through all these, I realized so many things about my situation. It opened my eyes and I hope you will find it in your journey too.

Thank you very much for reading and visiting my site. I am sorry for neglecting my WordPress community with less posts and less visiting your sites. I am ashamed but I really feel good whenever I return here.

Wishing you all the best in the year 2020. May all of you receive great blessing and find success in the things you want to achieve. Happy New Year!

To pay

brown mountain splashed with water from sea
Photo by Samuel Wölfl on Pexels.com

I don’t know how to explain, Love,
A sweet four letter words,
With the ability to resonate,
Across barriers and borders,

As where I am now,
Been breathing and standing for years,
Walked in countless different paths,
And still understand nothing,

They said Love comes naturally,
From the parents to their children,
Continued to their partners,
Passed on to the next generation,

Where I couldn’t understand,
Both of them broke up,
Both of them are not in love,
All of them left me unconvinced,

Then the Trickster left me some letters,
How I can be somebody,
A trickster with tricks,
It lasted for a while with bad after tastes,

Next with a pure Angel in disguise,
Owned a throne in my desolate heart,
And left after a storm of pain and tears,
Along with shattered ruins,

I remembered well when Lust came,
Tempted me to a different world,
That I never knew exists,
Until it fades and turned everything grey,

Then Hope left me with commitment,
Being a devout in waiting,
Learn kindness and patience,
Through one sided rejections,

I was blown away by the Wind,
Trapped me in turbulence,
Left with the slow shivering blows,
And left my dwelling exposed,

Now, here I am,
Unsure where but lost for sure,
Again and again in a spiraling maelstrom,
Trapped in the high and low of tides,

Why I still stay,
All the way,
To pay.

Is a surrendering sigh

maxresdefault
Source: YouTube

I couldn’t say a word,
Yet my mind are screaming,
I couldn’t feel a thing,
Yet the cold crawls on my skin,
I couldn’t let a tear,
Yet this heart ache and bleed,

The only sign of frustration,
Is a surrendering sigh.

“Where to eat for lunch?”

food on table
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Some days are crazy,
Some days are lazy,
Some days are pity,
Some days are maybe,

As I looked up,
Or down,
To the high blue sky,
Or to the low green ground,

I am still confused,
Filled of uncertainty,
Even if the world does not depend on me,
I still cannot figure it out,

“Where to eat for lunch?”

So, think better on what you can do

the-bridge1
Source: Taste of Cinema

Have you looked outside the window?
Maybe the door or the house?
Far away from the shadow,
When the time stopped you can’t browse,

Then tell me,
How could you see the fortunate,
Or the unfortunate,
When your eyes shut and you always late,

Silly, that you can’t figure it out,
Then you taunt for a bout,
You act strong like a stout,
But my punches keeps you knocked out,

No, I am not really angry,
Just letting off steam and spare energy,
Plus all these words and creativity,
I can’t store them personally,

Life is harsh and everyone else too,
So, think better on what you can do,

Dalam diam gelap jiwaku terikat

dark_room_by_ikiz
Source: innocentstore.sk

Banyak yang nak aku luah,
Dari dulu sampai kini tiba,
Ada yang kecil, besar, shallow dan deep jua,
Tentang isu manusia, kucing, panda dan buaya,
Dari A sampai Z tapi aku buntu pada siapa,

Yang nak dengar bukan manusia,
Yang dengar bukan makhluk bernyawa,
Daripada kabus ilusi aku jampi jadi nyata,
Tiada yang akan menikam aku dalam dunia,

Suaraku bisu mulut ku terkunci rapat,
Tapi suara minda ku bergema kuat,
Lama kelamaan bayangan jadi hakikat,
Dalam diam gelap jiwaku terikat.

Ally’s Thoughts: To The World I Don’t Belong

silhouette of bird flying
Photo by amy chung on Pexels.com

Hi all,

Note that this is a post that has been in my draft since January. I was in a struggle with no chance of winning, well I was wrong. I haven’t win the war yet but the victory in the countless battles strengthened me.

Therefore, I am sharing this as a reminder for myself and to share how dreadful the feeling was at that time.

Thank you.


I think, this will be my last post. I am retiring, not as a writer but as a living breathing thing.

I have been struggling too long, too long that I don’t know why I’m still here. Too long that I don’t have any more reasons to reason with my inner self, “Why am I still here?”. I am too tired to argue again about it.

Family? No.

Friends? No.

Love? No.

Work? No.

Future? No.

Hell and eternal damnation? No.

It is too tough to keep going only to be hopeful and telling myself that everything going to be alright. Everything will eventually work out. No. It doesn’t work that way. The situation and surrounding is just too ridiculous. It is petty too.

My effort? I tried. Many times.

I learned to accept. Doesn’t work.

I learned to forgive. Doesn’t work.

I learned to love. Doesn’t work.

I learned to better person. Doesn’t work.

I learned to believe. Doesn’t work.

I learned to fear. Doesn’t work.

I learned to trust. Doesn’t work.

I learned to forget. Doesn’t work.

I learned too much that it drove me crazy.

Until the very end, my inner self still want to reason with me. I had enough. Too much conflict in my head and it is too tiring. Not to mention the conflicts outside my head.

I can’t function properly.

I can’t breath properly.

I can’t love properly.

I can’t live properly.

I can’t. I won’t.

I gave up. Too long… Too long…

For my last words, I am not apologizing. I want to say my gratitude for keeping me this long. I had wished for it since I was 10 and I never get it. I was not brave enough to take it myself. I envy the others who decide to do it. Thank you.

“I tried and I did not fail. I just stopped and took a long stop.”