Ally’s Thoughts: Self Actualization Program

Source: Times of Success
For the past three days, I was away to support a program for my company. It’s a self-actualization program for our new comers. I was in charged on the photography and my boss told me to absorb and process everything on the program. So, I did.

1st Day

To summarized the first day with one word, it would be, emotional. The trainer and his facilitators are good in engaging the participants. From what I observed, they distracted them with some activities and made some diversion from their true intention… that they kept until the last program. The session sounded cruel but it was necessary.

The first day, it is all about realizing your self value. Throughout the first day, I was taking pictures and sat at the back. While listening to the trainer in front, I have the feeling of reading my own blog. The motivational speeches and the things he mentioned basically something that I would usually say in my blog. It’s about realizing that you are something!

I’ve been through a lot and I believe that the participants were too. Perhaps, they have been through a lot more than me. I faced family problems, personality problems, self inflict problems, suicidal thoughts, relationship problems and much more. To stand up after each events were not easy, it was never easy. It requires a lot of energy, time and motivation. What’s worst is, I did it all alone. Just because I couldn’t count and trust others at that time. Then, I realized that slowly, I need to open up. I did learned how to open up, I tried to heal myself slowly through the times. I had my biggest turning point in my life, I did mentioned it in this post.

Ally’s Thoughts: Will my life be better?

My first step was volunteering myself. I volunteered for an anime event, Animangaki. The event taught me how important to be motivated, work with others, enjoy your present life and do something that you like. After that, I feel refreshed and happy. I feel like I can do something, I am capable of doing something. I am not worthless! Then, they did an exercise called ‘Feedback’ on how your friends think about you. This session reminded me of my interview in Garena. I had to fill up a paper and one of the question was, What do you think your friend think of you? My first reaction about it was… clueless. I was really clueless! In my thought, how the hell am I supposed to know on how others think about me. Why? Because they never told me anything and… I never asked.

Something that I understand later in life. I rarely exposed to something such as friend to friend talks. Whenever me and friends talk to each other, we mostly talk about the things we did, what we want to do and talk about silly things. We rarely talk about something that touches each other feeling. The feeling of respect, admiration, the pleasant, and the unpleasant stuff between each other. We are friends but we only scratches the surface of each other. Now it got me thinking, are we real friends? Or we are just that kind of friends? I don’t know.

To open up was never an easy decision, there a lot of things that I don’t want to say especially regarding my past. I always labelled my past as dark because it is something that I want to forget. However, things can never really forgotten unless we embrace it and accept it. We can never move on unless we accept it. We can’t be in denial forever. That is what I learnt.

2nd  Day

On the second day, the program emphasized on good values in ourselves. There are three that were pointed out, spontaneous, trust, and courage. The programs filled with various activities in hope to plant the values deep in their heart. What about me? How can I relate to these values?

Spontaneous – From what I understand in being spontaneous, whenever I made a choice in life, it doesn’t mean everything will go as planned. One or two things will eventually stirred away and we have to improvise. There are times that I have to take spontaneous actions in order to move on or proceed on the things that I want to do. Sometimes, it totally worth it. If it’s not, I’ll just have to swallow it and keep on looking ahead.

Trust – I am quite trusting myself. I never really consider myself as someone who have trust issue. The only real result would be from someone who have betrayed my trust and it will be hard for them to earn them back. My principle when it comes to trust, it comes with respect. Same like respect, you are not entitle to them but you have to earn them. That is what I believe in.

Courage – As an introvert, I have my time of doubts. However, if I have to step out of my safe-zone, I am not afraid as long as I am prepared. I prefer to be prepared first before I do something. Somehow, that made me realized that I am not that courageous.

Day 3

The last day was pretty tiring for me. Last night they (the new hired) were planning for a movie night but due to some technical difficulties, we were unable to do it. We improvised in playing Heads up and Mafia. They really enjoyed playing Mafia. Like really enjoyed it. We ended up sleeping so late. In the morning they had some outdoor activities. On the afternoon, the topic is vision. The trainer wanted us to do a vision map, it’s a collage on how do you see yourself in 10 years later. I somehow managed to do one thanks to my encouraging boss.


Somehow, I’m pretty sure what I wanted for the next 10 years of my life! By the year  2027, in my romantic relationship, I pretty much married with children. I will no longer have career crisis (even though I still have it now, I need to be sure what should I do on the next 10 years), I will be able to travel more, and I will be on track in my investment so I could retire by the age of 40. Yes, I want to retire by the age of 40 if everything went on smoothly. I have less than 20 years but… I’ll try my best!

In conclusion for the three days program, I must say that I know who I am, what I want to do, what I want to achieve, how to do it, how worthy I am and I know my strength and weakness. I actually knew all these before I help to support the program. However, I take the program as a refresher and reminder on the things that I have forgotten.

Just to mention that this program was on the 19th to the 21st October, this post was on draft for almost a week now. I had to support another program two days ago means, I am quite busy with works lately.

Before I end the post, I want to ask you a question. How would you describe me? I would like to hear your answer. Thank you.


Break me, Break them


Break me,
Break them,
Then you’ll see,
How resilient we are,
Though we are weak,
And we break down,
Every time we face challenges,
We will come back,
And smile  when we survive,
Standing proud in front of you,

“I don’t know!”

Image from:

I woke up everyday,
And my daily thoughts,

“I don’t want to wake up, I’m not ready, I want to sleep longer, I want to wake up later”,

I just lie on my bed,
Nothing but questions,

“Why it is so tiring to wake up? What will happen today? Am I ready? Why I am still here?”

Questions with no answers,
Perhaps I don’t want to accept the answers,

I just want to do the thing that I want,
And the thing that I want to do the most,

“I don’t know!”

Strength leads to power

Strength leads to power,
The power to change,
To give,
To contribute,
To share,
Whatever that you want to do,
You have the options,
Everything is in your hand,
To accept,
To receive,
To understand,
Whatever that you want to do,
The chances are given,
Everything is in front of you.

Human emotions are like diamonds

Source: Youtube

Human emotions are like diamonds,
Located deep down the earth,
It’s hard to reach,
Consumes a lot of  resources,
Money and Time,
Imagine the ore,
Rough and unrefined,
Shines dimly and wanted attention,
A diamond can never be shaped,
Using hands alone,
It requires special tools and skills,
Then a perfectly shaped diamond formed,
On your hand gracefully,
Beautifully reflecting the light,
Passing through the spectrum,
Flashing rainbow,
Like human emotions,
Bright colors means happiness,
Dark colors means sadness,
The diamond showed so much,
After all that hardship,
On finding it and shaping it.


Ally’s Thoughts: Signs of A Loyal Person

Image from: ugorod

How to be sure that a person is the loyal type? Are there signs or something to look out for? There are many articles out there informing us the signs on a loyal and faithful person. In this article, I will share with you the secret and tips to help you in identifying them. Before I continue any further, this article is just for light, fun, and leisure reading only.

The first big sign is obviously something you can observe from that person. Look at his wallet! A loyal person will value something that has been with them for a long time. Example? Take me. I have been using the same wallet that I bought in 2011! I’m seriously attached with the wallet. My wallet looks really worn out and I had to stitch it myself.

The second sign is he don’t really care what others talk about him. He never listen to other’s judgmental opinion. We are at the age where we desire approval from others, especially in social media. We toast with the one who agrees with us and ended up hating whoever disagree with us. I don’t really care what others might think about me. Whenever I hang out with typical people, they will always have this ‘standard’ that they consider acceptable. I’m not the type who will eventually play to their standard, I will mostly be considered weird or unacceptable. If you know someone who don’t bend to social standard, he or she is worth considering.

The third sign is  he always firm on his choices. A good and reliable person is someone who already know what he want! Choices are tough and hard but when someone made the calls, they should be confident and firm. Of course, like me! When I have a plan, I will ensure that everything run smooth because I want everything to go well. Especially on important occasions.

Other worthy to mention signs are determination and commitment! These two can come hard nowadays. If you want to achieve something, its not uncommon to show these two features. Imagine if someone wants something and you don’t show determination and commitment, do you think he is reliable? Do you think he is a loyal type? I’m not ashamed to say that, I am a determined and committed person when I know what I want!

This may look like a hard sell on myself, but to be honest, I just want to write something that is light and silly.

I hope you guys have a great weekend! I will be super busy until November. Somehow, I really need something good happening in my life  right now. Wishing all the best to myself and to my fellow friends and readers as well! See you again!


Source: Wikipedia

Dear symbol of peace,
You are troubled,
And burdened,
And you carry it alone,
It aches me to see,
And offered my hands,
To reach you,
I don’t want you down,
I want you to stand,
Because I care,
Because I want to be there,
Standing next to you,
When you need someone,
To rely and depend on,
I am your peace,
For the symbol such as yours.

I am a human

Image from:

They asked me,
What is my strength,
Firstly, I am a human,
With errors and mistakes,
And for I am a human,
I learn and adapt,
Leave me and I will survive,
Even with nothing,
But a sheer will,
Let me believe and hope,
Even to my last breath,
That is my strength,
As I am a human.

Ally’s Thoughts: Work, Life, Work


Source: Pinterest

October has come upon us! Throughout August and September, so many things happened. Either in my life or in the international scenes. The ongoing North Korea missile tests over Japan, the arson case at a learning institution, the devastating hurricanes, and the latest one, the mass shooting in Las Vegas. There are things happening every day, good and bad, and here I am thinking about myself.

Source: Giphy

Whenever something happened, I will ask myself this question, what if it was me? A simple emphatical question that challenges the brain and the heart. What would I do? How would I react? Will I be able to survive? What should I do?

It is good to questions and takes time to contemplate with ourselves. We do have our own problems to attend, I too included. The most often line that crossed my mind was ‘If you feel you are an unfortunate person, there will always be other unfortunate people than you’. True, isn’t it?

For the past weeks, I am not really in a good mood because of something happened in my personal life. To be honest, I hate my current position regarding the matter and it looks like a dead end. I can only hope and pray for things to get better than before. My current mental state is under the weather and motivation is off the radar. I seriously need to motivate myself but I’m having a hard time about it.

Source: Giphy

This reminded when I went for a lunch with my bosses, my department boss, and her boss a few days ago. So, the big boss shared her stories and experiences, she mentioned that when she was in her previous company, she had no motivation to work at that time. The reason was, she had to deal with matters that contradicts her belief and philosophy. She decided to resign and she feels much better now. They also talked about A.I, Bitcoins and other matters as well, but I mostly listened and observing them.

One of the thing that I learned is, they are also human. I mean it not in a bad way, as a working person with big responsibilities and their working life is not 8am to 5pm but as long as their eyes open, work will always chase them around the clock. They faced problems as well, small or big. Again, I asked myself, how do they keep the positive vibes to work and keep themselves motivated?

From my observation, they are living their work. I assume that they cater their work life to fit their non-working life or vice versa. Perhaps, they managed their working life good enough. I can only make guesses and assumptions. As for me, I can’t fuse the two, working life and private life. I don’t want to talk about work at home and private life at work. I prefer to spend my private life in seclusion, playing video games, watching movies, eating, sleeping and more. The impact of a call or a text regarding work will instantly ruin my good mood and will make things worst.

Source: Giphy

I do have plans to get me out of this unbreakable chain of unfortunate moods, one that I can’t wait is a little vacation for myself in November. However, it doesn’t really get me to wake myself up in the morning! I know how to treat myself but that is what I have been doing ever since. All I wake up to is being hopeful on uncertain things, especially the things that I can’t control.

Well, I hope you all will do just fine! I wish you all the best in dealing with your daily life. I also hope that October will be nice to all of you. As for me, I will be quite busy because I need to assist with the programs in the department.